wednesday 30th april

today was alright for me
still trying to get use to my new lifestyle

people may despise me
but i really hope you are not one of them

on to another thing
chandi,my classmates overheard you gossiping about me.
could you just get out of my life.
i said that i bear grudges,and i meant what i said
so i'll surely get even with you yeah =D

during AEP club,it was election time
and it was so retarded.
aniw,the results were out
En-Ci is the new president
Deborah is the Vice president
and of Josephine is the photographer and publicity head,cos in her speech she sounded so enthusiastic about photography,and EVERYONE voted for her

hmm,let me introduce to you the AEP J1 members
i shall start with
Lan Lan

and
Kao


hmm.next time i intro you to all of my models for my art coursework :D
currently they are: Benjamin,Wei ni,Siantzu,Amelia and Kao
i will be needing another 3 more later on :D
im so happy that they all agreed to help me !
haha,i feel damn lucky.

=D

HAHA woot im so proud of myself,i managed to supress my feelings until i reach home
haha :D

its time that i moved on in life,i won't let myself be held down because of you
you're no longer the same person that i used to know,
or maybe i did not even know you at all

a life filled with lies,i'll learn to live with it

the angel said that smiled today,who needs angels anyway

all that i said,all the things you agreed on
the next moment,you forget everything about them
and it doesn't seem to matter at all

since you don't appreciate any fucking shit that ive done
i dont see a point in me holding on anymore
i hope you have a happy life ahead

i promised myself that i will stop bugging you
and i will keep my promise unlike you

if i had a greek name,it would be narcissus

yao khuan is a vain pot


i've talked to some people
i know what to do now
so sorry to all of you who worried about me
IM OKAY
ill get back on track now
lets go!

CHOO CHOO :D

im going to stop being a burden to all my friends around me
im going to stop being such a weakling
im going to stop being so depressed all the time
im going to lie to myself to be happy

even if it means having to suffer inside
i will do it
cause im so sick of myself being so weak
being so useless

i must stop being emo
i declare that i shall stop being emo

im really losing my sanity right now

FUCK!

saturday

...




the first soccer match that i watched.chelsea vs man utd


i felt really bad about myself today
and someone looked really pissed off with me..
i really don't know what to do now
im really scared

It takes a crane to build a crane
It takes two floors to make a story
It takes an egg to make a hen
It takes a hen to make an egg
There is no end to what I’m saying

It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes some words to make an action
And it takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction

(Chorus)
Life is wonderful
Life goes full circle
Life is wonderful…

It takes a night to make it dawn
And it takes a day to make you yawn, brother
And it takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
It takes the one to have the other

It takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
And it takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished

(Chorus)
Life is wonderful
Life goes full circle
Life is wonderful…

And it is so…

It takes some silence to make sound
And it takes a loss before you found it
And it takes a road to go nowhere
It takes a toll to make you care
It takes a hole to make a mountain

(Chorus)
Life is wonderful
Life goes full circle
Life is wonderful
Life is meaningful
Life is wonderful…

It is so
And it is so meaningful
It is so wonderful
It is meaningful
It is wonderful
It is meaningful
It goes full circle
Wonderful
Meaningful
Full circle
Wonderful...

head under water,and they told me to breathe easy

everything is going wrong for me
theres so much things going on in my mind
i couldnt control what i feel inside
i tried to hold it in
but i guess i was too weak

ive caused so much trouble to people
caused all the people around me to be irritated
ive lost all my friends that i hold dear to

i expected too much from my friend
ive failed to be understanding
ive failed as a friend

im feel as though my mind and body is getting weaker
i cannot hold on much longer
my feelings are taking control over me

im really losing it
and im really scared

tuesday

took 81 to school today
arrived at serangoon station,only to realise that it was still raining
so hui rong and i took 22 to school
RAIN is nice,only when youre not part of it

today was super cold..
from the first lesson till the last
the temperature of each lecture theatre and classroom did NOT change at all
it was hovering about like 16~20degress
lucky I got my class sweater with me,heh

econs lecture was rather amusing,
cos the lecturer,miss hazel ho,was teasing those group of people who came in late for the lecture,as they went toilet,and they just kept coming

she went something like "must act shy,oh no wheres my seat"
sort of like reading out loud people's thoughts
its was so funny,cos the whole LT were like staring at them,lucky i didnt went out.
hahaha

art lesson was the last,as usual..
so draggy.hmm,we learnt an artist today,cindy sherman.
hahaha she did photography for her art,cos she is one who cant paint.
mr lau was mentioned something about her work,that she wanted to challenge the notion that girls are always portrayed as the weaker one,always breakdown in tears and stuff.
then sherling turned around and looked at me.so did the rest of the AEP students.
THANKS AH

aniw
after lesson went to library to look for ben.his hp low batt...
waited about 20 mins then we went to take 24 together with another two of his classmates.
he was going to his classmate's hse to study
so yeah,chat awhile on the bus

then now im back home

monday!

school was tiring.
wanted to speak to someone in sch
he was busy on e phone..
so i waited..
then his frens came
and still i continue to wait..
doesn't seem like he is gonna bother about me anyway
felt so invisible and extra
so i just went off
turns out
it was a misunderstanding,hahas.
but it got me really sad for that period of time
as i started to think how annoying i was
how i should just get out of people's lives
how i should just disappear


aniw
during art practical,everyone was crying,cos of the stress
it was rather funny i must say
tears in their eyes yet smiles on their faces

went to IKEA to buy frame,bought 4 frames
was preparing the glass frame at home,accidently broke it
father was like shouting at me for everything i did
i got pissed,walked away and he shouted at me furiously,haha his whole face was fuming red.

geez dad,this is the 9th time u shouted at me like this
and don't worry,i will never forget it =)
rawr :D



.















i've learnt something today
by showing how you feel inside
you'll get scolded,and called 'rude'
so i must not show any emotions
yep,i shall be a fake :D


Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

mission accomplished

just finished something that i really wanted to complete.
so happy now.
gotta go do my econs essay ler,RAWR

:D

sunday.

sunday.




got lotsa stuff to do
but
i shall stay happy

cos everyone around me looks so sad,wherever i go,shopping malls,bus stop,on the way home..

I SHALL SMILE AND BE A RETARDED HAPPY KID.
:D

go eat lunch now

the curtains are closing,the show has ended

im very disappointed with myself
lai yao khuan
is such a useless fella.

i cant do anything well.
letting people surpass me in all aspects
.
even my friends whom i really want to be with
end up leaving me
for other,better friends,who could make them smile
but i couldn't

i've no value to my friends who means so much to me
they left
and now,its time to give up,and stop holding on to things that were never meant to be by my side

goodbye you guys,i wish you all the best
im glad that i was part of your life.
im glad that you were part of mine too

as you said "friends come and go"
i don't believe in that,but you've proven your point
and i won't be a bugger

my show has ended
and i'll take my bow

sorry

past few days have been real tough for me
emotions taken control over my mind and body
i hate myself,how i can be so useless

cried myself to sleep,finding myself with swollen eyes the next morning
but its all no use.
my message will still not be brought through
theres really no point in me trying so hard anymore
ive given up

right now,i must learn to hide my emotions
i know that people hate it when i get emo
and i hate it too,so i will try not to show it

i will try

thursday april 17th

i don't understand why
everytime you promised me something,the next moment you'll just forget completely about it,forget completely about me
and i don't know why,why that i always continue to wish,wishing that maybe,just maybe you would remember
but you always forget about it,and dismiss it

somehow,God loves to play with my life
everytime i try to stop thinking about you,you'll appear before me

another day passes by,yet im still waiting.
still waiting,for a different ending

wtf is wrong with me?

felt really unimportant
i wished that you wouldn't forget about me that easily..

aniw,went to get a haircut today.
before




after.

new hp

mummy bought me a new phone today.
:)
N81

quite expensive..
still playing around with the new features and stuff.


hahas.

saturday

went to LTA(Land Transport Authority) gallery today as a geography fieldtrip
k the bus we took there was damn budget.at least there was air con..
aniw
LTA GALLERY TOUR WAS DAMN COOL.
it was very very entertaining
and DAMN creative

from one exhibiton room to the other,never failed to amaze us
hahaha
we were like,WOAH.WOOO.OMG!
lol
top row: calsia,huiying,calisa,hui rong,me
bottom row: szeying,nadiah


it started to rain after the tour
we still managed to get to the MRT station,but got wet.
hui rong was shivering like mad.
haha.

we had lunch at PS
b4 we went to pay respect to Dorcas's dad
she is such a strong girl
and very mature too
God,please watch over her and her family





went back on MRT.
hui rong and I were like exhausted.
we both slept throughout the whole journey until reaching pasir ris
went to buy food from macdonald's b4 taking the bus
i made this stupid bet that if her bus comes before mine,i'll walk home
and it did.hahaha so i walked back.lmao

went to bathe before going downstairs to take photos for art.
monday is critique again
and miss lye will be there.

BTW ITS MISS LYE'S BIRTHDAY ON MONDAY!
AEP STUDENTS ALERT!@

some pictures i took today :)






keeping myself distracted so that i could stop thinking about you

Goodbye

You'll never understand how i feel.
because you just want to avoid knowing how i feel
you don't have to do anything
i will take my leave
and not be a burden to you

thursday april 10th

i ran
couldnt breathe
i wanted to cry
you werent there anymore
you weren't there for me

im losing my grip
im letting go

huh?

im confused,scared.lonely.

and yes,very confused..

loving you is painful

im so sorry to all fellow art friends and friends
was feeling very moody today
bad weather+flu+crowded canteen+hungry stomach+somebody nvr reply msg+report saying im overweight

IM EFFING OVERWEIGHT!
110%!
need to lose 1.8kg!

yao khuan is a fat ass.
and its official

monday 7th april

today's weather was bad.
sweat like a dog

and was busy painting my art design
managed to complete it
but cant show u guys
cos its my a lvl coursework.

sigh.
tmr is half day off,but everybody got plans already
so guess i'll spend my time at home

SARAH CHOO'S BIRTHDAY! with pictures

this is update of the time at Sarah Choo's chalet
with pictures :D

k,was at home drawing out a photo,draw until i didnt take note of e time
it was 5plus already!
so i hurried out,then i forgotten how to get to east coast
yea i walked here and there and called many of my friends,but who holds on to their handphones at home.called sarah,then she told me how to get there.

at bedok interchange,i waited for the bus 401 for half and hour..
then when i reached there,i alighted at the wrong bus stop
so i had to walk all the way down
but YEAH i found the chalet!*pats myself on the back*

haha there was nice fooooood :D
taiwan sausages.chicken.otah and all the nice foood!!!
mad and yixiu were the ones bbqing the food
first time i go BBQ no nid to help bbq
hahaha :D
we then sang happy birthday song to sarah
and the cake was awesome
:D

then,while i was eating chicken wing,Ben called
lmao,he said he was there already
then i was like looking around
he said" im behind you"
but i just couldnt spot him,LOL
it felt like those movies where the murderer will say
every move that you make o.o

ANIWAY,hahah so glad he came,haha he actually had another chalet
but due to some reasons,he didnt go for it
hahah he looked so stone
and very malu,VERY
but then after a while,everyone was quite close,thanks to cards
hahaha we played 21
and there was so much laughter and retardedness
kelly,mas and anabelle were super funny
hahaha and i was laughing like mad

we played till like 11plus
then ben and i went off
to get a cab back
we walked quite some distance,but still no taxi
there were many people waiting for taxi too
then,we happened to spot a taxi,we walked towards it,but it was reversing
lol,i was like giving real stupid hand signals with the intention of telling the taxi uncle that we needed a taxi,then there was a two indian men who were also waiting for taxi before us,but the uncle saw us
so YEAH,we got on! hahahahaha they looked so pissed kae.

fooood.

group photo,my head cropped off

we were playing cards :D

somebody obviously have some serious dandruff

ben and me



me and siantzu

BIRTHDAY BABE! :D

and her super nice chocolate cake :D



thanks ben for 赏 脸-ing,hahahaha
and also sarah's parents who are paying for the BBQ
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH,HOPE A WONDERFUL NIGHT!

sunday

why do you always turn your back away from me?
why must i always find a reason just to speak to you?
you don't smile the way you do with others when you're with me
and it hurts to know that you'll never be able to love me
but im glad that i was once part of your life

we'll live the rest of our lives
but not together

thursday 3rd april

today i started off as a happy boy
was busying psycho-ing myself to be cheerful and happy
was supressing all my sad feelings deep inside

afternoon,went to find mediacorp broadcast centre to collect the gift pack thing.
took 156,as i never went there before,i overshot,ended up at CJC
then i took bus back,alighted at correct stop
but no mediacorp thing in sight
so went to the florist
she said it is a long walk up
and indeed it was ,uphill somemore.
finally i found the main reception area.collected the gift.
and then it poured.
so i waited
and waited
then the rain started to subside.so i began to walk back to the bus stop
but a few steps after i stepped out the shelter,it started to rain again
and i got all soaked.my mind really broke down
i started laughing to myself under the rain
i was feeling damn sad.

it was around 6~7pm
i was wet,cold,hungry and my hair was screwed up
i had to wait again for the bus to come cos the bus was overcrowded.
there i took double decker 88,and sat at upper deck ,at the back
it was cold.and the ride was so long

but im not going to go all emo
cos i know i am strong

*tries to psycho myself again*
HAHA im so happy.
geez they gave my 4 CDs,only one of them the artiste i like,sara bareilles,the other 3 were like...what the heck?

oh well.

oh ya,ben (my model) finally said my painting was nice.
haha he seldom say its nice.always say "looks weird"
so yeah.i appreciated it =D

aniw,screwed up day for me,how about yours? :)

what a pity

everyone told me that the painting was very nice
even my art teachers too
but sadly,i won't be including it into my Alvl coursework
because im doing fashion design
and the criteria is based on designs.
not how well you paint the model

furthermore,my painting was cropped till the waist
and it was too large to be a prepatory work.
plus it would be a disadvantage as the face would be a distraction

but still,miss hew allowed me to finish it up
guess i'll be keeping it for my portfolio next time
...what a pity

aniw,if you see me being emo in school,its okay
don't have to worry about me.
im fine ...
yeah but thanks for the concern from all of you.
i really appreciate it.
its just that im very prone to mood swings.

fucked up day

woke up late
dad drove me to school

PE sucked,cos i was already feeling sick but i still went and ran
after that i couldnt breathe properly and felt like puking
im useless
felt so fucking tired during the whole day of lessons
felt damn terrible and useless throughout
and lessons dragged on all the way till 5:30pm
was actually looking forward to going have dinner with friend
but couldnt
so went back on my own
felt terrible and i just needed someone to accompany me


yes,it was a long ride home..